Monday, December 10, 2007

Go Softly Into The Dark Night


First off - I keep forgetting to change the damn font on my blog and it's driving me nuts. Note to self - change font.

Second - I am freaking tired. Not had a bad night tired. Not hung over tired, which might even be worth it. Not under the weather tired although that is coming too. But seriously bone crushingly tired. Now Jess will read this and say sing it to the choir sister. I don't even know her kind of tired. God Bless you woman - I don't know how you do it. You have my eternal admiration for how you survive on such little sleep. I NEED sleep. I get downright crusty, nasty, teary, unhappy when I don't get my sleep. I am not pleasant to be around when I have not slept. Why do I share this you ask ? Because I am punchy and I want to.

Third - I was just reading some of my earlier blogs. Darn I write well. I am quite pleased by some of them. I wanted to see how I had changed or if I had changed. I'm happy to say no. I still write irreverantly. My spelling is still good. I have some deep thoughts worth sharing. I have found this process so cathartic, so liberating, so confirming. I really enjoy it. I like reading the blogs I find. I love the Aspie blog because now I don't feel so alone. I love that people peek in to see what I have to say. Do I have a large community ? Heck no but I hope those that do look enjoy.

This got me to thinking about communication. One of the reasons I blog is to get it out. To vent my spleen. To clear the cobwebs. Email does that for me as well. If I am thinking of something at 2am it is not appropriate for me to call that person and writing it down to call about it later doesn't let me sleep. Sending a quick email gets it out, let's the other person know what's up and sends me to my beloved sleep.

It also got me thinking about how people abuse email. How they hide behind the anonymity of the keyboard. I will lay money down that most people use email to say things they would never say to someone's face. Have I done that ? Once or twice. Usually - no. If I'm going to say it to you via email, 10 to 1 says I'll say it to your face. Especially if you piss me off. Email actually allows me to think through what I am going to say rather than entering a heated argument. It allows me to edit my words and think about what I truly want to convey. Except if I'm pissed off. Then email allows me to vent my spleen with acid. Again, catch me in the same mood in person and I'll rip you a new one without blinking. I am not a bitch. I am not a mean person. But I do say what I mean and mean what I say. If you want to do battle with me then be prepared - the gloves can come off. I pride myself that I have worked very hard to correct this. There used to be no stop between the head and the mouth. The brain wasn't even involved in some cases. This was not good. This caused trouble. This needed to change. So I've worked on it for the past 10 years and it's gotten better.

Why is she spouting about this you ask ? Isn't this supposed to be about her son and his challenges ? Yes it is but occasionally other things need to be said. In a round about way, this involves my son. I have volunteered in various capacities for my son's school in order to say thank you for all the hard work that they do for him. I realize this isn't necessary but it is for me. I am grateful. Having been a teacher myself, I know the extra hours they put in for him. I know they worry about him and work harder for him. Volunteering is my way of saying thank you. Lately, email has caused problems with my volunteering. People have been mighty free with the email when they maybe shouldn't have. Me being me was mighty free right back. This takes us back to the old not thinking before we speak issue. However, they did deserve it so I sleep ok at night.

I got to thinking that the phone is a useful tool. I speak all day and so tend to be quite quiet when I get hom. I rely on email to still stay in touch with the world without having to speak. I think maybe tomorrow I will write a good old fashioned letter. Then I'll scan it in to my computer and send it as an attachment via email. Ha - gotcha.

1 comment:

Blue said...

I enjoyed reading your postings, and you're right, you are a good writer. Come and read some of mine, in between the ad ones of course, lol staying home means making money somehow.