Thursday, September 13, 2007

So Far Away....


I never thought it would happen. I never thought I would be in that place where I could say to someone - It will get better.

Just yesterday I held my new son in my arms and looked at his face wondering who he was and what he would be. Just yesterday I helped him to walk, to talk, to sing. Just yesterday I rejoiced over his first steps, his first words, his first song. Just yesterday he was my little boy and we hadn't begun our journey yet.

Then our journey began and I wondered new things. Would he ever walk strong ? Would he ever talk strong ? Would he ever be able to learn like the other children ? Would anyone ever get him like I was trying to get him.

As we continued on our journey, time passed slowly and then sped by. Suddenly we were ready for school. Suddenly yesterday had been left behind and my boy was no longer my baby. Suddenly I wanted yesterday so badly that it hurt. I wanted that time before I knew what the answers to some of my questions were. I wanted that time before I knew how hard he would have to fight. Before I knew how hard I would have to fight for him. Yesterday seemed so nice.

Now we are at today and I can look back at yesterday and not want it so badly, not look at it so wistfully. Today he walks strong. Today he talks strong. Today people do get him as I do and sometimes better. Today he is my growing boy who no longer itches, no longer has to cry, no longer has to fight quite as hard. Today I have answers and I see hope. Today I see his future is not so bleak. Today I see the future full of promise. Today, yesterday is a pleasant memory. Tomorrow will be even better. I can see it now and it's not so far away.

My boy. My heart.

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